23 October 2005

"it goes to show u nvr really noe abt me..."

suicide. tts wat i used to tink abt. i asked Eleanor once if takin painkillers all at one shot wud kill, she said no.dey are suppose to kill da pain arent they? lol.

i feel like a total failure. oh wait. i am. i fail as a student. i passed oni 3 subjects. Pathetic me. =) heyy, patheticism is my name. as a daughter, i failed miserably too. =D i'm grieving my mum. she's gone on and on abt such a lazybum i am. abt how i often hog da com. and dat i dun help wif da housework. but does she noe abt me worrying abt my own studies? abt how we r gonna survive now once sis moves out.

i hafta get a job. and den i'll hafta juggle my time. wif councillor, school and work. soon. i'm searchin for job now. i hate my life tis moment. no offence to Allah. but yes. I know tis is one of Your tests in my life but yeahh.. i'm failing as a human being. i cant take it. Please, show me Your guidance. Lend me Your strength. Your patience.

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