i shall look at him from afar

darn it. darn it. darn it. i cant seem to forget him. i told sharifah about my turmoil of emotions & yeahh... we sort of talked about it during recess. we were actually in the councillors' room eating home-cooked food. lol. how cool is tt?

and yeahh... rmb i mentioned sth abt trying to avoid him? well... i tried but somehow i juz wan to be near him. lol. weird. but wat da heck. Jas said tt she NOES who i like but well... of the 46 minutes we talked on the phone, she's mentioned all the possibilites of guys including the one i want. Ans these include, Neo, Joon Wei, Yong Shun, Yong Xin [my darl], Mao Hui [my bf, oni da hand], SHUN WAI [my gawd. jas needs a CAT scan]. and many many more from all the express classes. oh, it was such fun!

and yeahh... had Malay remedial today. And got back our Bio result. guess wat?! i FAILED!! lol. tts like so WATEVA. but nyeh. wateva. so yeahh.. now i'm home. so refreshed & clean. weee! but yeahh.. am off to MAYBE maple. den am off to do some reading. weeee! no hw! i tink. ciaoz!

What & it...

Can you believe it? Sharifah & i went to da arcade to play para-para for like more den 2 hours! lol. we are experts now arent we? "Stay!!"

anieways... todae i learnt sth in A Maths lesson. lol. i was paying attention in class actually. and afta knocking my head against Shun Wai's, i've managed to steal some of his brain cells. lol.

oh wells... i'll hafta continue doing those SS notes for my two idiotic DEAREST frens. lol. its cool. anieways... i told sharifah tt i miss him. lol. it felt good to let someone noe i miss him. lol. tho she noes who the he is like so long ago. lol. tts cool aint it?

anieways, i tink i better go off now. lol. its cool juz now.. relieving my stress wif dat para-para thingy. and SOMEONE said i'm turning into ah lian. gawd. grow up hun! lols. aiite. ciaoz ppl.

i guess life HAS to go on

You sucked me in and played my mind
Just like a toy, you would crank and wind
Baby, I would give till you wore it out
You left me lying in a pool of doubt
And you're still thinkin' you're the daddy Mac
You should've known better but you didn't
And I can't go back

[chorus]
Oh, life goes on
And it's only gonna make me strong
It's a fact, once you get onboard
Say goodbye, cause you can't go back
Oh, its a fight, and I really wanna get it right
Where I'm at, it's my life before me
Got this feeling that I can't go back

Wish I knew then, what I know now
You held all the cards and sold me out
Baby, shame on you if you fooled me once
Shame on me if you fooled me twice
But you've been a pretty hard case to crack
I should've known better but I didn't
And I can't go back

[chorus]

Na na na na na, life goes on
Na na na na na, made me strong
Oh yeah, got a feeling that
I can't go back
Life goes on (and it's only gonna make me strong)
Life goes on and on and on

Shame on you if you fooled me once
Shame on me if you fooled me twice
But you've been a pretty hard case to crack
I should've known better but I didn't
And I can't go back

[chorus]

Oh, life goes on
And it's only gonna make me strong
It's a fact, once you get onboard
Say goodbye, cause you can't go back
Oh, its a fight, and I really wanna get it right
Where I'm at, it's my life before me
Got this feeling that I can't go back

Leann Rimes
Life Goes On

darn it.

shit. lovesickness is back. darn it darn it darn it.

i like this one guy. but i cant tell who. obviously. but we are TOTALLY not compatible. In terms of everything. urgh. that suck. and sometimes, i like him but somtimes i dun like him. its like... i really like him & all but there'll be some parts of the things that he do that i dont like. and as i'm typing, i'm thinking of that person. darn it.

my mind has been occupied wif him alone. lol. i'm smiling cos i'm tinkin of him. i'm laughing cos i'm tinkin of him. i'm miserable cos i'm tinking of him & i cant haf him. oh mama. i'm in deep shita.

anieways, havent been blogging yeah? tts cos i've been lazy & all. lol. yeahh. wat da heck. plus i'm so... tired i guess. i mean... i juz wish to give up on everything. life jjuz sucks. i cant stop talkin of dat guy. urgh. he's actually... sweet. considerate if u observe his actions. but others dun tink so cos they judge him by wat he unintentionally did. so wat da heck. fuck u people!

anieways, i'm goin off now. darn it. i'll hafta find a way to stop tinkin of him. i tink i shud avoid him. yeah. i will. like a song by Leann Rimes, "Life goes on...Life goes on..." i shall post it. ciaoz.

"you are my only one.."

teehee. -yatee, i like tis song mahh.. teehee. anieways... todae had da thinking dae parade thingy... its was actually pretty cool but i was friggin nervous. i dunno why... i mean..da one during OOC was nerve-wrecking compared to tis and i pulled through but den... i didnt hafta shout command THEN. stupid De Kai... teased me abt my command.

i juz realised sth. wenever i'm nervous, my lips twitch. lol. its kinda cute actually. lol. den yeahh... da dae passed in a blur... i mean.. seriously, now i find that theres no point in coming to school.. i learn nothing. urgh.

anieways, had my Bio test todae in the library. haizz.. its so.. silly of me! i mean... i juz NOE the answers to the qns but the answers juz escape my mind. urgh. how stupid is that?

then afta tt, saw Rachel Lee so we decided to go home together. was sitting dwn packing my bag wen Joyce & Joshua came. lol. not couple larr. anieways, De Kai took this time to come out.. and somehow, we ended up in positions u cn ever imagine wen we haf our catfight. lols. and the rest were enjoying our show. how cool is that? we had ermmm... Siti from sec 1, rachel, joyce, joshua. wow. teehee. and denn... i did sth tt wasnt supposed to happen. But, i shall not say. teeehee. yeahhs. hafta go now. ciao.

I found out that when guys say that they are not romantic, they really mean it. They mean every word they say. But when they do the direct opposite of what they said, the result is heart-breaking. Like how an un-romantic guy would write so many lines of ''Sorry'' in different languages just for the one he loves and is afraid to lose? Talk about love. teehee.

Councillors' Investiture 2006

Weee! We did it!! yay!! *jumps around, hi5-ing* wooohooo!! all my hard work with my team pays off. wahahhaha. lame-ness. ANIEWAYS...

I was on tenterhooks the whole of this morning cos i was so so nervous for this whole investiture thingy. da Excos got out at 11.30 to get things ready and all... haizz.. vry rushed lorr. we still had chairs to arrange and all. lol. but it was cool tho.

wen da time finally arrived, we were so so nervous. "With every step, my anxiety rises". That was wat Neo said as we ascended the stairs. haizzzz... stress ar. den before we knew, the sec 2s were already off.. den da sec 3s & 4s...den... US! wakrakakkaka. it was darn cool at tt part. i felt like a big shot!

we receieved lotsa cheers actually. i was SHY. lol. and den had to endure the slit on my skirt & sitting in front of the whole school while listening to speeches & collar pins hand-out. haizzz... leg shivering lorr.. Hor, Agnes? teehee. and Ravi, i saw you baybeeh!!

but all in all, i thought it was a great success lor! sooooo cool!! teehee. ohh.. now, come to tink of it, i wish to turn back time. lol. its so so cool.

i learnt something today, i am SO forgetful!! [ actually i knew that like so long ago. but i forgot. diao.] i misplaced my Thinking Day script & my badge! urgh!! and yeahh... searched da whole house but still cant find... i am so dead as Miss Chew nicely sms-ed it. i'm dead...

To the councillors, exco & my DEAREST partner, Neo, thank you for your efforts & co-operation today. Especially to the few people who endured wearing skirts today for me! [you gals look HOT!] teehee. but yeahh, it was really cool juz now and i'm sure my partner wud oso say that you guys did a WONDERFUL job! Let's continue to work together towards a common goal. Remember, spectrum of color is what we are. Like the different colors we all have different personalities and all but also like the spectrum of colors, where the combined colors makes a WONDERFUL picture, we too make a bigger and WONDERFUL-ER picture wen we come together as one. Jia yo!

feeling so so crap-ed right now. cant find my badge & got to study for Bio and oso neeta iron those uniform. darn it. gicin command tomoro. how? SHY lol. ciaoz.

heal the world...make it a beta place

There was a dead lizard at the door of the toilet. lol. must have been too smelly la. I'd wanted to shit actually then i saw it. immobile. so Super Daddy threw it way, barehands. lol. weee!

anyways, today was quite fun la. teehee. had Guides and all. Practised for erm... Thinking Day.. and guess wat? who's da emcee? ME! lol. surprise surprise! but tis year, its da ultimate one. i'll hafta like give command lor. haizz... die liao. shyy la!!

but yeahhs... afta Guides wenta hit da provision shop opposite sch & ate instant noodles, Tom Yam - spicy! Went there with Joyce, Siti, Rohaidah & Hui Ting. lol. it was fun really. we talked & all. and there was a bunch of primary school kids who were LOUD, RUDE, UNCIVILLISED. they were talking about corks [cocks] and stuff. and comapring the bold stuff they did in class. LAME! then saw Neo. he wanted to take taxi home... den i shout him to come to where i was lor.. gimme a lift la... budden we ended up takng bus 262 home. lols!

before that, i had SO much fun in the councillors' room with Neo, Rachel Lee & Li Yan. lols. Rachel & I were doing crafting la while Neo was clearing up the friggin mess den Li Yan came up. Rach & I were painting den afta finish wanted to throw.. den i pretend pretend wanted to paint Neo's face.. but instead HE painted me lor! i mean as in... the paint was on me! so we had tug of war and all. and we painted each other. we became green people. certainly not horny tho. teehee.

todae i actually contemplated to not come school. i felt like as tho my body was like lead weight. wateva it means. i meant.. its juz so... disfunctional. lol. i juz didnt feel like getting up at all. but i did.

todae i learnt sth. You must alwaes believe in others. Everyone has a talent of their own and they do best at things that they are able to do. As fellow mankind, we should alwaes believe in each other and help each other discover their golden talent that's sometimes buried too deep within. We just need to spur them from time to time.

I also saw that Angeline Yap is actually just like anyone of us. But she's a little more special. Maybe God wants us to really see how exceptional human can really be. He wants us to help discover each other as we journey through our lives. We shouldn't alwaes focus on what we want. We should focus on what we can do to help ourselves and those around us.

Those are my thoughts for the day. Its really nice to do that. To have thoughts pouring through you. Everyone has conscience, act on them.

its been a long time yeah?

14th February 2006

Happy Valentines' Day! teehee. i received roses & choclates!! weee! anieways, stayed on afta school for Muster Parade. sian lorr! but oh well, it was quite cool actually. now that Yatee is gone from Guides' [ u suck] , Guides was getting funner!! [yeehaw!!] wakrakakkaka.

but before all that, we had assembly towards the end of the day. haizz.. but it wasn't sian u noe?! it was ROCKING!!! We had 2 local rock bands in our school! Ronnin' & The Suns Deyians were Boring!! They weren't participating at all lor! i mean.. its a rock band for god's sake! u're like suppose to jump up & down! During the Ronnin' performance, my peeps & I juz sat dwn and raised our hands and all... but afta da school song [ thx to Mr Freddy Goh] , my peeps & I went to Ravi they all and we ROCKED THE HOUSE!!! Lol!

We were jumping up & down and dancing like nobody's business. Everyone was looking at us. And The Suns made special dedication to us all! lol. it was coool!! But when RUDE DEYIANS started to leave in the middle of their performance, we decided to rush ALL the way to the front. We did! We screamed even more & jumped up & down. lol. The Suns specially prolonged the song so that we can jive to the music. They were cool man.

16th February 2006

haizz... haven been blogging have i? oh well, its cos i've been very very busy la... teehee. wadeva. anieways... todae didnt go for tuition. postponed to next Saturdae. lol. jia lat rite? teehee. its actually cos i'm too friggin tired to go anywhere else except hog my computer. lol. anieways, fought wif tt Neo denn blah blah blah... am really tired now so i guess i'll juz sign out now. aiite? btw, to my frens, i noe the poem is sad! i cried too yatee baybeeh!

My Shining Star

Her hair was up in a pony tail,
her favorite dress tied with a bow.
Today was Daddy's Day at school,
and she couldn't wait to go.
But her mommy tried to tell her,
that she probably should stay home.
Why the kids might not understand,
if she went to school alone.

But she was not afraid;she knew just what to say.
What to tell her classmates
of why he wasn't there today.
But still her mother worried,
for her to face this day alone.

And that was why once again,
she tried to keep her daughter home.
But the little girl went to school
eager to tell them all.
About a dad she never sees
a dad who never calls.

There were daddies along the wall in back,
for everyone to meet.
Children squirming impatiently,
anxious in their seats.
One by one the teacher called a student from the class.
To introduce their daddy,
as seconds slowly passed.

At last the teacher called her name,
every child turned to stare.
Each of them was searching,
a man who wasn't there.

"Where's her daddy at?"she heard a boy call out.
She probably doesn't have one,"another student dared to shout.
And from somewhere near the back,she heard a daddy say,
"Looks like another deadbeat dad,too busy to waste his day."
The words did not offend her,
as she smiled up at her Mom.

And looked back at her teacher,
who told her to go on.
And with hands behind her back,
slowly she began to speak.
And out from the mouth of a child,
came words incredibly unique.
"My Daddy couldn't be here,
because he lives so far away.
But I know he wishes he could be,
since this is such a special day.
And though you cannot meet him,
I wanted you to know.
All about my daddy,
and how much he loves me so.

He loved to tell me stories
he taught me to ride my bike.
He surprised me with pink roses,
and taught me to fly a kite.
We used to share fudge sundaes,
and ice cream in a cone.
And though you cannot see him.
I'm not standing here alone.
Cause my daddy's always with me,
even though we are apart
I know because he told me,
he'll forever be in my heart"

With that, her little hand reached up,
and lay across her chest.
Feeling her own heartbeat,
beneath her favorite dress.
And from somewhere here in the crowd of dads,
her mother stood in tears.
Proudly watching her daughter,
who was wise beyond her years.
For she stood up for the love of a man not in her life.
Doing what was best for her,doing what was right.

And when she dropped her hand back down,
staring straight into the crowd.
She finished with a voice so soft,
but its message clear and loud.

I love my daddy very much,
he's my shining star.
And if he could, he'd be here,
but heaven's just too far
You see he was a policeman
and died just this past year
When airplanes hit the towersand taught Americans to fear.
But sometimes when I close myeyes,
it's like he never went away."

And then she closed her eyes,
and saw him there that day.
And to her mothers amazement,
she witnessed with surprise.
A room full of daddies and children,
all starting to close their eyes.
Who knows what they saw before them,
who knows what they felt inside.
Perhaps for merely a second,they saw him at her side.

I know you're with me Daddy,"to the silence she called out.
And what happened next made believers,
of those once filled with doubt.
Not one in that room could explain it,
for each of their eyes had been closed.
But there on the desk beside her,was a fragrant long-stemmed pink rose.

And a child was blessed,
if only for a moment,
by the love of her shining star.
And given the gift of believing,
that heaven is never too far.
They say it takes a minute to find a special person,
an hour to appreciate them,
a day to love them,
but then an entire life to forget them.

my GAWD.

i went to Peicai Sec todae and well... it was quite ok i guess. their school isnt a new building. its old. and i mean OLD. but well... aside tt all, do u noe tt they had only TWO rehearsals for their investiture?! and that they have been inviting outside student leaders to their investiture ever since they started. from the VERY first investiture. how cool is THAT? and we're like in our 18th yet we are only starting to invite parents. urgh.

and the fact that not many people turn up for the rehearsal makes my blood boils more. some dosent have the decency to tell WHY they are not coming. i'm telling you, i'm already at my last stage of coolness & compassion. dun make me real angry. till den, u wont like me.

so yeahh... had a headache last nite. it was HORRIBLE!! argh. it was da worst. it was da granpapa of all headaches. & it continued on till tis morning. haizz.. i was contemplating whether or not to go to school but oh well, my gdgal won over me. teehee.

so right now i shall get off. i shall just wait for my friggin fone to fininsh charging then erm... oh yeahh, call Ayin to bring my book. and yes, do Malay homework. wee!. ciaoz.

groooovy baybeeh!

lols. i changed my template AND song, as you can see. lols. so hapiie. and yes, the song may sound like erm.. unprofessional like, its cos, its not. lols. i think its sang by non-popular persons. teehee.

anieways, been really really busy these few days. am really really frustrated with the councillors though. they just dont seem to understand the difficulties they are giving us. haizz.. sian lor! coming mondae, ima vent my pent up frustrations.

den had the re-test for E Maths. lols. we were like.. talking. so wat the heck. talking la but not sharing answers ok. Dedication & Integrity. hello. hello. teehee. den yar, pinched nehh more. lols. ouchie. i like...

den todae had Guides too. welcomed the sec ones. played games & all. (: den supposed to haf foot drills but yeah, Mrs Ang took up that 1/2 hour [what drills can you do with that much of time?!]. Had myself enrolled in two courses durign the holidays. Kayak-ing & Modern TAP dance! can u believe it?! lols.

anieways, ima go off now. haizzz. tomoro got Chingay!! teehee. cant wait. though i got tuition early in the morn. aiyo! ciaoz.!