"Goodbye My Lover..."

itz been 3 yrs nw
but our relationship is a flop
what exactly was your aim
by gettin me caught up in this whirlwind of romance
all those times we shared together
do they mean nothing to you
do I mean anything to you

i tried to forget you
and i thought i did but i thought wrong
you haunted me like a ghost from da past
you knew my darkest secret
you vowed to honour me
but it was a lie
a lie that i believed wholeheartedly

we've nvr said gdbye
but in my heart i noe that itz over
itz time for me to move on
but da bind u had over me juz cudnt be lifted
i really tried to forget you and accept others
but you kept coming bak
haunting me and depressing me

from like came to love
and now it came to HATE.
i hate you for leavin me hanging on tis thread
i hate you for makin me feel foolish
hate you for makin me hurt
i hate you for making me love you.

if we were to meet
i would just stare at you
wonder if this is the person i've alwaes loved
then i'll ask
why
and i'll leave u standin there
like da wae u left me hanging
all da promises broken
all the trust shattered
you will continue to be a part of me;
a part of me that has DIED.

gd bye my lover
da beautiful times we shared has come to an end
itz time to move on
to each his own
goodbye.

"my life is brilliant..."

hmmm.... so many daes nvr update... cos firstly... been stayin bak late in sch to revise maths and stuff...so yeahh... den reach home vry sian lerr.. so dun wan blog.. den like tat lorr...

todae got Eng Final Paper lorr... haizz.. tink i fail liao..my compo is i anyhow shoot lorr... den my compre horr.. haizz... is suppose to leave 3 lines afta each whole qn... but i didnt read instructions.... den wen left wif like 10 minutes like dat i realise den i quickly rewrote da whole thing lorr... haizz.. my handwriting like kanasai lor!! haizz..sadded lorr..

hmmm..den da past few daes.. been ermm studyin maths lorr.. sian..den at sch i bu shuang wif Mr Lee... haizz.. heck lar... anieways..got funny thing happen...

Jr said da boii bside him irritated him a lot lorr.. he relate to me lar.. he was doin his work arr.. teacher giv time to finish her work arr... den he varied his anwer wif his other fwen arr budden da boii bside him keep askin wat was written den da boii was like.. ok..den wats below...oh wats da value? dat kinda thing.. then he pissed lorr... wahahha.. den his fwen behind heard thier commotion..den his fwen suan him.. imitating wat da boii sae lor.. wahahha.. poor Jr.. =P

anieways... dats da oni thing dat cheers me up on dat particular dae... weeee! den wen i oso suan Jr.. wahahah he bu shuang oso.. he try to suan me.. wahahha.. sae me stupid hor? dunno how to tag... wahahha.. stoopid Jr.. den wat else ar? oh yahh..tis Sundae am goin out wif EIGHTEEN people.. go Kulai Island..

AUnt Lin said dere got resort and stuff den got spa..swimmin .. horse-ridin.. hehe.. i cant wait to go lorr!! den 2/3 of da peeps is i not close or i dunno lorr.. haizz.. goin wif my mom and dad lorr.. haizz.. mus destress... mayb will bring all my A maths formula dere.. wahahhaa... LAMER!

"in a family portrait..we looked pretty hapiie.."

haizz... i'm sian-ed to da max!haizz...now i noe y i prefer ang moh guys... local guys are just... haizz.. so sadd..

anieways, came home straight afta school.. had nth to do mahh... den reached home early... took care of BF for a while den go bathe lorr... den afta changed, ate lunch .. den at da same time tok to mama abt sis and all lor.. abt her nt givin mama enuff cash den waste money buy new set of bed furnitures.. haizz...den we tok tok tok lor.. mother daughter tok la...

den switched on com, listened music while doin Maths revision... hehe guai kia rite?? i noe la... cant help it... den afta a few papers done, came online at ard... 5 plus arr... den yar... went irc to check out da local peeps.. haizz.. more disappointment la... juz not interested.. haizz..

so yar lorr... i worry a lot abt my family lorr... Daddy is da oni one workin... mama take care of BF budden my sis dun giv enuff cash lorr.. haizz.. den still cn buy clothes for BF and new shoe for herself... haizz... sianz to da max-ed!

"Love hurts..."

haizz... sry for not updatin my bloggie... but yeahh... lotsa things happened.. hehe.. but yeahh.. wat da heck..

anyways on wednesday or thursday, my bf was admitted in the hospital...he cudnt breath again... =( but den he's at home now. lol! he came back yesterday. den yesterdae we went to Cik Oyah's hse for some kenduri... so yeahh... got irritated at someone at da wae she was carryin my dearest bf... but yeahh... i haf no right i haf no sae...

denn on fridae went to Seoul Garden to celebrate Mus' bdae! Happy Bdae Gal!!! hehe... we went there and had LOTS of fun! [didnt we?] i sure did! lol den yeahh... ayin dripped ice cream on my skirt... tts of course afta i dripped some on hers! =P lol

den wat else.. oh yeahh... Sat went out wif Pris and Jas... supposed to be studyin but we were talkin and eating 95% of da time... lol den we did a lil bit of Trigo and Circles den we were off to da ARCADE!

met Charles. he cudnt play da drum game right!! he's tune deaf! cudnt get a note rite in da end Jas took over.. lol. oh yeahh.. Pris has got NO co-ordination too! we played a music game oso.. da round round buttons... pris cudnt get it rite.. we failed cos of her... "You are a loser" .. in da end we 'kicked' her out and played juz da two of us [jas and me].. we became... "You are a winner!" lol!

den todae went off to Grassroots' wif Jas again... played arcade again.. lol! den we wanted to play tis gun game... but jas' coin was stuck..so i pressed da lever to get da money out and guess wat? a WHOLE lots of coins came out!!! lol Jas and i quickly get dem all and played other games!! lol

itz been a great week so far.. so yeahh... listen to da song Goodbye My Lover.. itz nice!

"Goodbye My Lover"

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.(x2)

I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.(x2)

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.(x2)

I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.(x2)

.:James Blunt:.

"heal me, i'm heartsick..."

Life juz suck. my mum came home and started yelling and scolding me! urghh!!! heck ar!!

tat PRIS... every time complain i nvr update... hah! i update liao hor... hmph! anieways...todae had amaths test... oni fucntions i can do da rest i cannot ... wahahahah.. i cleverer den Pris... she dunno anythin... hehe.. no lar... den saturday which is tomolo, we goin library to study lor..

kk i hafta go ler..tomolo i update more okies? bye!!

stupid pris..make me update every day.... =)

"i fall without my wings; i feel small"

Urgh!!! i juz hate my sis! what's her problem?! she's irritating me!! argh!!!! okies, i tink tis shud be one of da posts dat shud contain vulgarities. here goes...

watz her farkin problem? cudnt she see dat i was doin my ONLINE hw? and she was like, "ya do ur online work at da same time chat. how to finish?!" HEL-LO!! i was more den half-way done and i juz started chattin! fark sial... and itz all bcos of a friggin maggie. [??!!]

my dad wanted maggie and itz alwaes me who cooks dem so i told my mum," pls la ma...i need to do my work..." i noe itz so unfilial of me but well, my sis werent doin anything and dya noe dat my mum likes ot take advantage of me??!!

once she had da cheek to tell me dat she's lazy so she told me to close da friggin door! i was like in da room and she was like in da livin room... >_<"' itz like so wateva rite??

argh!! life suck man. I love myself but life juz suck ya noe. i've got an outing to organise and a graduation day to handle. i'm growing white hair!!!! arghh!!!! i hate my life!!

''ever since da dae u went away..."

listen to da words of this song. it is really meaningful u noe. sine my darl. told me dat da song not nice [We Belong Together], i changed it to Goin' Crazy! =)

so yeahh... did u noe dat, ppl sae dat wen it is raining altho it's sunny, it means itz da rain of heartbroken couples. hehe. and itz rainin dat way rite now. lol. so yeahhh..

anieways, skipped Maths remedial todae... wen Juliao taught me DEN i understand... haizz.. Mr Lee talk until we all cannot understand lorr.. sian. den.. i went home wif da peeps la.. tis fridae am goin out to Seoul garden to celebrate Mus' bdae.. hehe.. happie bdae gal... been frens since primary school ya noe..

anieways, was talkin to Jason, he is SO into Hui Ting and dat gal doesnt even noe it. haizz.. stupid gal.. silly is a better word. i mean, itz not easy to find a guy who is SO into u ya noe.... hehe.. anieways, i'm gonna go maple a while.. am soooo stressed!

"in words of a broken heart..."

"itz over and done but da heartache lives on inside..." itz true isnt it? although itz all over and dere's nth left but u cn still feel da heartache altho u've nvr touched or simply met. =)

anyways, i long fo the old days... those times when i was with Brett, Brian and David. and maybe Diana. they all contributed deeply to me past.. i miss those times when i deliberately changed my nick to sth saucier to attract Brett... wen i change my nick to mushy stuff to declare my feelings to Brian... or change to sth vogue to spite Diana..? lol .. da past was filled wif sheer teenage innocence. =)

and i wan those daes bak. )=

"hell hath no fury..."

I shall not be furious any longer at Mr Lee... i mean... it is no use being angry at him for not being able to teach properly. I guesss it is all up to me... but then.. i'm worried. i mean, i dun understand most of da things he taught us... so how am i to revise work on my own?

anyways, exams are approaching fast. and i'm seriously worried. time and again i try to study wif fwens but i still dun understand. haizz... die liao lorhx.. wat to do... tink for da next few daes me go library study bah? hehe.. every saturday and sunday maybe? yepp...

''we're all to blame...''

haizz... its like 8 months has passed and my a. maths shucks as hell. and come to tink of it..itz not really DAT helpful if u study everything now... 8 months back..if i had just taken da initiative to do a lil bit of practice here and dere.. atleast i wont be so far behind...

anieways.... i'm early tis morning cos i'm goin out later to da library... haizz... go and study maths wif Pris and Jas... hehe... so yeahh... meetin at 11 and now its 10.05 so i beta go now! see y'all!

''dun look no further, sister, i'm bak!''

Right at 7.40pm, my step-bro came to my house. lol. he is like twice my age it ink..more den dat but he's so trendy lol. he is short and look svry young. so he's like punk-lookin guy. lol. cute la hor. he's good-looking. seriously.

cant take his pic tho. my webcam not powerful enuff to take his pic. haizz.. phone oso cannot. haizz... sadded la. u guys most be wondering where this bro of mine comes from? suddenly pop up from nowhere. lol. itz a long story but i wont sae. hehe. kill me oso i wont sae. so yep.

anieways... been chattin juz now and got bored of it. Sg guys are juz so desperate. lol. hmmm..watever. i dunno y but it seems to tt da guys in my class and dat i noe are da oni decent guys. haizz.. poor thing... anieways, me going off now.. juz came to blog to tell u abt da arrival of my bro
lol. see ya guys den!

''show me how you feel...''

Hmmm... i juz realised sth todae. i'm prejudiced against some people i noe. one such person is Li Ying. Another is Wina. Well, with Li Ying... i dunno why and i'm really puzzled. Liying, if you're reading this, forgive me. i'm retreating for some time to sort my feelings.

Maybe it is because she just tries to hard to participate in the things we do. I heard from Sharifah that da reason she stones is 'cos she's often alone at home so she'll have nothing to do, so she stones. Maybe it's bcos she's alwaes like tat tat she is not naturally mingling wif us. but i noe she is trying her best. so i am tryin too, to be a real fren to her. i dun wan to be claimed a hypocrite. give me time aiite?

and Wina, is cos well, 2 years back things happened. all i can say is that she lied a lot. i'm not sure abt Sharifah or da rest but for me, i REALLY don't like people who lie. i dunno why, i juz hate it. seriously. I'm not the type who forgives and forget. I forgive, yes. But. i dun forget. tts me. i'm like my mum. [ok..tt is hereditary..] but yeahh, atleast wif her, i'm still jokin around but for me to be really close to her da wae we were in da past, nuh uh. i need time to rebuild our foundation of trust.

anieways... todae got no remedials!! haharx! supposed to haf Bio but den da whole class complained abt not knowing and dat dey didnt bring da book. itz true la actually. but come to think of it, did Pauline Lim EVER uses da textbook?? haizz..

anieways..nth muc happened. afta sch went to da canteen wif Nas, Ayin n Shari. did nonsensical things and all den we went to da library but soon afta we walked home. wahahaha.. tis Sat my family is like going out to Johor while i'll be at da library da whole day, tryna learn some stuff. Exams in less dan 1 month? lol. yep.

Grind On Me...

Oh garsh... every teacher is like going, "Your exams are just three weeks away!". haizz... as if i need reminding about that.

its stressful enough now that i am STILL clueless about A. Maths although there was lik remedial... and dat i am really fearing for myself. Can life get any worser?

anyways..today didnt do anything much. quite a number of free periods here and there so yeahh... but i made full use of those free periods you noe. i did my SS hw. it was really nice u noe i mean.. i'm like so different. i usually wont do my hw till like last minute but now i'm like doing dem on time. its kinda cool actually. if only i can put da same amount or even more energy and enthusiasm in Mathematics, both E. and A. .

so yeahh..had Lit remedial.. it was fun actually wif QianYi and her crap.. and Julia wif her nonsensical yet funny questions and observations. oh yeahh, i learnt sth today too. a tongue twister! i shall sign off now but b4 u go, try reading this fast!

The sixth sheik's sixth sheep's sick.

It is claimed that this is the hardest tongue twister. So... start trying people! Enjoy!

w.e.i.r.d m.e w.a.h.a.h.a.h.a :) 

Yay!!!

Yippee!!! i am SO loving tis template!! hehe. i dunno y but all my templates so far has been black background-ed. wahahahha.. its sooo beautiful!

anieways..i wanna take tis opportunity to thank all my fwens. All those ppeeps, regardless of close or not, who in some ways or another cheered me up during school hours. Even small little thing counts u noe. (= Thank You.

secondly, i wanna say that i hate 'him' now. Thanks to 'him' i now have no mood to go to school and no motivation at all. He WAS my motivation until.... then. so yeahh. tts all folks! bye! and Enjoy!!

Break Down

Well...today 307 did sth really really bad. We made Mrs Sng, our English teacher, cry. Mrs Sng was worried about her baby who is in da hospital bcos he is havin fever and she said she had a fren whose child died within a week of havin fever cos da docs didnt noe wat was da caouse of it. it was pretty sad. den she walked out and cried, wenta da toilet. Sharifah went afta her.

haizz.. den had ermm... remedial.. A and E maths.. haizz.... it was pretty ok for E maths.. but A maths shucked man. As always! haizz.. anieways... no hw so i mapled and now bloggin and soon gonna change da whole outlook of tis blog again. hehe. cant help it if i like to beautify my blog. see ya!

School Starts!

haizz...so school's started and yeahh... had an English oral! lol. started at 3.20pm i tink... it was ok i guess.. did quite ok.... dun expect much tho. den b4 dat me, jas, agnes,qiu ling and daryl sat together and talk nonsense la. den dat silly daryl was like going "puki puki puki" once in a while! lol. den he was like going to Sharifah and bowed to her while greeting, "pukimakkau". lol!

it was totally hilarious man! den afta dat me and shrifah plus Tempeh, she too had her Eng oral, went to eat some spicy mee goreng.. hehe... den we talked lotsa stuff den went home.

den i did all of my hw. especially social studies. did my full job ya noe. am feelin so proud of meself! now me gonna maple liao! ciaoz!!

Relationships

Gdness... Hilary is like wif tis Good Charlotte guy... and he's like ok ..and cute and all.. but wow... tt gal has grown man... i mean its like... wow. lol. i'm babbling. i realise... tt its not easy to keep a relationship.

tink abt it. wen u're single, u cn do WATEVER u wan, ANYTIME, ANYWHERE. u need not report to him abt who u r wif and where u r and why. its juz YOU. but den.. u haf no one to lend an unwilling ear to all ur woes [lol]. or someone to cheer u up and someone to juz be dere for u. i noe frens can do all dat but which one of ur frens wud actually pay tat SPECIAL attention to u? ahhh.... (=

so yeahh.. but wen u r in a relationship, u cant be too possesive. u cant be too inquisitive... u HAFTa to be faithful...muz haf trust. but well.. easier said den done. haizz.. so which dya tink? relationship no relationship? >_<'''

Life II

Todae i went to KK hospital for BF's check-up. i saw and learnt a lot of things. Like how to REALLY carry ur baby and stuff. twas stupid u noe.. seein how some mothers carried their child. One was slouching her poor baby all da wae. she seemed as though she was rehearsing da stuff she learnt at some parenting course. lol. lamer. den another was cradling her child da wrong way. da baby's head was hanging for god's sake!!

haizz.. cant comment much tho. cos i aint a mother but i've taken care of babes b4. so yeahh.. i've got my fair share of baby-handling. lol. den went Geylang. kakaka. of all places. my mum wanted to buy some stuff dere. so yeah.. juz followed her... my BF was asleep on off... so yeahh.. btw..my sis came along...

den afta dat reached home den been mapling for abt an hour and a half? its getting pretty boring now. but met Ben at da last minute so decided to play for a while more. lol. den logged online on web-based msn.. garsh..its DARN boring dere now! i mean.. my oh my... in da past it was WAY busy. now its...too peaceful. Michael cant be online nowadays. Brett, David and Brian are like.. haizz... haizz... its so sad how frenships result to a standstill afta some time. itz been a year now. wow. time flies by so fast.

aniewaes... am pretty bored now..so mayb gna change my template or... post more entries like lyrics of my fav songs. lol. i need to post more i guess.. oh yeahh... i have been tinkin of HIM recently.. hmmm...tts bad.. notti notti. =)

Life

Haizz... so sian. Today is like Thursday already. School's gonna start real soon now. anieways.. went out wif Kak Titin, Harun and Juffrey. Hehe. We went Bugis.. walked around and had our lunch at the chinses stalls there by the roadside.

it was stupid u noe. dere was tis uncle who has PMS i tink. he was all grumpy and stuff. Jo and Kak Titin was scolded for no apparent reason. but we had a laff. lol. den we walked all da way to Esplanade. Harun has been wanting to go bak dere ever since da dae we went to see a concert dere. he'd wanted to take pics dere. lol.lamer.

den on da wae walkin, we had fun. talkin wif a slang.
it was pretty stupid. Jo was da one who started it along wif Harun... den it ended wif all of us tryna SLANG. it was funny la.

den afta dat went central... walked around.. bought Rotiboy and sugarcane drinks. den walk walk walk den went to da AMK interchange to take our bus. hehe. den yeahh.. stayed wif me till my bus came den all three of dem went home.. hehe. sweet aiite? so tts mainly wat happened.

Ya lookin' at my bf dere! (= 

Fragile Heart

A fragile heart was broken before
I don't think it could endure another pain
But there's a voice from deep inside of you
That's calling out to make you realise
That this new bond gives inspiration
To all I feel the love appeal no more
So how can I break this wall around you
That's aiding both our hearts to grow in pain

So forget your past and we can dream tomorrow
Save our hearts for care and lovin' too
It's hard, I know, but oh one thing's for sure
Don't go and break this fragile heart.

A hurting mind in need of emotion
I don't think I could endure another pain
But baby in you, I've found affection
Affection I have never felt before

So don't let your past
Destroy what comes tomorrow
Don't go and break this fragile heart

With all this fire that burns between us
There's so much to lose, yet so much more to gain
And if I could choose the world around me
The world I choose would all revolve around you
So help me complete the game inside me
And help to mend, to mend this fragile heart.

Haizzz...

I survived through 3 gruelling hours of Maths yesterday. Lol. Mr Lee spent like 20-30 minutes on E maths and the rest of da time was 20 minutes break and den A maths... stupid rite? haizz...

i've been doin a lot of thinkin these past few daes... lol NOT surprising aiite. well...i tink i'm da only person who goes through phases of life faster den many others. why? well. i mean.... my kind of life is such that my thinkin is not of a normal teenager anymore.

think about it. i've seen how teenagers just walk pass babies with a little coo-ing den tts it. but for me... i TAKE CARE of a baby. i see things from a different perspective. i dunnoe hw to explain it.

since small, i noe i'm going through phases of life faster den anyone else my age. i mean... for a teenager of 15 yr old now, i am tinkin of baby diapers, baby's milk. i'm tinkin of things so far ahead of me. it astounds me yet scares me too.

i rmb writing in my diary sayin da vry same thing. how in a relationship, normal teenage couple wud juz take life as it comes. wen dey are together, dey r together. they hug and hold hands. mayb kiss a lil. but for me, i'd think deep like wat wud happen wen we're married. it scares da shit outta me too man.

but wateva happens, i try to keep in mind dat i am STILL a kid. i am a teenager. i cant stop myself from going through all da phases of life whether its too early or not. but i hope i noe where to draw da line. i really hope.

You're Beautiful

My life is brilliant

My life is brilliant
My love is pure
I saw an angel
Of that I'm sure
She smiled at me on the subway
She was with another man
But I won't lose no sleep on that,
'Cause I've got a plan

You're beautiful, You're beautiful, It's true,
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
I will never be with you

Yes, she caught my eye,
As I walked on by,
She could see from my face that I was,
fucking high,
And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last till the end

You're beautiful, You're beautiful, It's true,
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
I will never be with you
You're beautiful, You're beautiful, It's true,
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
I will never be with you

(La-la-la-la, La-la-la-la, La-la-la-la, Laaah)

You're beautiful, You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you

But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you...

My bf.

Awww...my bf is so cute. Hehe. Every day wen i come home, i always look out for him. den i go bathe den play wif him. hehe. he's turning 3 months-old tomorrow. he's able to like smile and laff at u. he's also able to like 'talk' to you. wen u talk to him, he will make all sorts of noise. lol. so cute rite?? hehe.

anieways. juz now had a meeting. exco councillors. hehe. 18 of us u noe. lol. huge rite da number? aniyways i'm da fucntion organiser in which i organise functions. i'm in charge of it all. and Geraldine is my partner. hehe. partner in crime. lol. den now my first task is a gathering for the councillors to bond. lol. and we're planning to do it at sentosa and organise games and stuff. hehe.

den juz now my class went debate against 309. it was stupid i tell u. i mena not dat i'm being bias. but well, true dat my class didnt prepare well being Sharifah preparing da speech for all and Parmes summarising everything... but yeahh, all in all, it is certified that Raja is bias. haizz.. teachers are always bias with students who are academically talented. haizz...

aniewasys, these few daes, i've been tinkin of 'him'. haizz...but atleast not so much larr.. been pretty busy wif da councillor stuff and all. hehe. den, i feell ike i'm drifting apart from my fwens. i dun wan it to happen again. i really dont.

anieways, my bf is calling out to me now. lol. he's like making noises. trying to attract my attention. lol. so cute rite??? hehe. i try to post more pic of him.. wahahha. see ya!