So lonely

*sigh* Haf i wished u guys Merry Xmas? Oh well.. Merry Xmas..tho its like SO late now.... anieways... i'm so...bored and lonely... no one seems to be paying much attention to me... lolz. wadeva... anieways...moz prob i'll be single again.... Brian just havent been online... its so frustratin.... he made empty promises! i shud haf known! he made one VERY important promise to me. a promise that i held on and cheered up upon...but i guess its empty too... *sobs* nvrm.... i tink i'm going out again later... i went out juz now to change the photo of my passport juz now... then i saw Sharafat... or rather..Elf :) hehe anieways... so yeah..mayb later go out watch movie Phantom of The Opera.... kakakakakak so nice... hehe..anieways... see ya peeps.. i love y'all

Have a Merry Little Xmas

I spent Christmas all alone at home yesterday. Though my parents were at home, they dont exactly celebrate christmas. So yeah.. i watched the show Santa and Pete...it was so nice..and i guess that's how Christmas traditions came about..it was so cool.. I chatted wif Simran yesterday and she gave me a great talk. Lol. Thanks Simran. Anyways... we talked about stuff and yeah... i guess wen i tink about it, it does make sense no matter how much i hate to admit that fact. So yeah..wat the heck.. I'm leading the life of singlehood i guess... No Brian and no other guys... i dunnoe... maybe like wat Simran said... everyone has a partner in tow, given by God Himself... so yeah i mite need to do some searchin but well...my partner wont run away will he? Lol but well... i cant help it but still tink abt Brian... he is juz...well... perfect in my eyes... oh well..there i go again.. so yeah... now i'm at home..juz reached home actually from a meeting [yes on a Sunday].. tomoro is da camp so yeah... kinda nervous..no..make it..VERY nervous... i wonder if my grp can survive... *sobs* Nevermind.... i muz be confident so yeah! Jiao yo! hehe bye for now peeps.. love ya all... *mUaCks*

Where did i go wrong?

It's been a month plus since Brian has been online... i understand that he might be busy with school and work but well, surely he wouldn't be so busy that he's forgotten about me. i've always wondered where did i go right in havin Brian. I mean, he is udnerstandin and caring. He has the qualities that i want in my guy. So yeah.. exactly..what did i do to deserve someone like brian? Until now... i really miss him a lot.. i dun care if anyone says that tis is so stupid... online relationships shudnt haf sparked in the first place... its my life. i find that... asina guys...are like..so ..full of themsemves.. i mean.. yes there are nice ones around but... when it comes to BGR... its like...their thinkings are so..shallow. i mean it's like... i dunnoe... but i juz dun like malay guys. No offence. Educated malay guys..maybe i would reconsider but typical malays... they are so.... eeewww..Shallow. Nvrm. Anieways...today i went to the doc... am sick...haf fever and sore throat...my mum said my obdy was hot yesterday nite... so yeah... i slept wif my mummy yesterday... lol... anieways...yeah... i'm goin now... see ya..

Am i alone?

~You are not alone~ was the nick i had for msn a year ago... and it was the nick that brian had my laughin. He was online at tat time but i was away but i didnt put away on my msn... he pm me but i didnt reply... so in the ned he was like... "scary... i AM alone..." lol corny but well.. it got me laffing.. tinkin bak now... *am listening to MJ you are not alone* the lyrics...the words..mean alot... "You are not alone. i am here wif you. tho we r far apart. ure always in my heart." it really means a lot... really nice... and i am well.. juz waitin for my brian to come bak online... i believe he is busy wif exams and stuff so yeah... but Christmas is comin so is da Christmas Vacation.. hehe so yep yep.. i'll wait for him... Brett... guess wat peeps? he hasnt been online... kakakakaka... shit him... i am really angry wif him u noe... he is suppose to be my boo... corny yea but wat da heck its my life aint urs! so yea... suppose to be my boo but then i heard from hui ting.. he called HER his boo... so wat da fcuk... so yeah.. shit sia... so yeah.. he hasnt been online.. but once he is.. i will break off all those boo bullshit... he brings shame and disgracement to da word and meanin ''boo'' .. WADever... so yeah... tomoro i'm off to Indonesia.. Tanjung Pinang to be exact...see my uncle get maried... hehe.. yep yep.. i got angry wif Mom today.. i had wanted to buy a sophiscated skirt... it was really sleek... and the price was ok lar... $19.90 but my mum was like...nuh uh... expensive lar... den say erm...go other ppl country muz wear nice nice and stuff... WADever... i mean.. seriously.. look at da tourists in Sg.. wat do they wear?? skirts and stuff but y cant I?? hmph! nvrm..but i got da idea of wat i'm gonna wear tomoro.. simply sleek and sophiscated.. i'm a grown gal arent i.. :D i am so gonna be B-E-Autiful.... hehe .. let da mama pamper herself man... so yeah... and yeah..got meself a new RIMLESS specs... kakakaka i look SO sophisticated.... kakakaka... well then..see ya peeps.. gonna check on my cuz blog..see ya.. ciaoz!

Missing You

First of all, Happy Birthday To Aaron Carter dear... !!! :) yep yep.. my luv has turned 17 today.. :D he is nearing manhood now... ohhhlala...Next... tomorrow, 8 December, is my first year anniversary with Brian. :) i am not sure to be happy or sad... happy cos we've lasted tis long and i pray we will haf more anniversaries to celebrate wif each other.. sad cos... 9th December will be the one month duration he hasnt been online... i really dunnoe why... but i noe i really really miss him a lot... :)Yesterady i went out with Christine, Katrina and Hui Ting to Orchard... to catch a movie which i tohugh we wud be watchin at bishan but Kat told me it wud be at cathay cinepleisure... lol so yeah...da four babes went to watch Without A Paddle. It was so funny!! Christine and i laughed so hard... the guys behind us were like going ''...fuck...'' sth sth... quite vulgar da guys but the words weret at us but at da movie..i tink its thier way of saying..i like this movie...so its like ''i love this fuckin movie..'' lol *pardon da language* so yeah... then we walked around heeran.... christ and kat bought this long stick at movenpick... i didnt eat it cos its like... theres pork around it.. so yeah.. then..wat else... oh yeah..we went to hmv... check out the cds... i told them to wait til da stayin alive of bee gess to come b4 we go but they were already movin.. so i TINK i sort of scream and the grp of typical malay peeps were lookin at us like one kind...then me, kat and christine dropped at ang mo kio... then christine went off first.. kat followed me to make my new specs.. hehe.. in between, i bought sth to eat for lunch tho it was near to dinner time.. lol diet mahh... kakakakaka... then wen tot get a rimless glass made... 78 bucks flew away from my posb card.... sobs... then went to buy those small gluey stff..make balloon derr... played wif Kat at the bus stop..then got one uncle sit down wif us den started laughin wif us.. say ''long time nvr play tis thing.. tis one wen i was small i like to play..'' yar lor... then wen our bus came we say bye bye then he say haf a nice day..then we also say same thing lar... then board da bus... then as my station got near, Kat made me a balloon... b4 i got down, i smacked it on her forehead.. kakakakakakakaka.. and we laughed..people looked at us lor.. like we crazy pepol...then i reach home..my sis like not happy..go home late... but she keep quiet..then i bathe..on com.... check email..chat a while then log out..switch off.. then sms my frens... den cannot sleep... toss and turn like nobody business.. very tut rite... oh yeah..met agnes seng yesterday... hahahaha...very very tut rite.. shit her..change hp... kakakakak then yar lor..in the end sleep on the bare floor then can sleep... den today mornin wake up...freezing... siao rite...kk... i go now...send in another story abt camp..kakaka..very fun derr.... see ya peeps... *muacks* happy bday aaron! and brian, i miss u!

A Poem By David

There always seems to be so much we have to say Sharing our lives as it happens each and every day You're so far away from me yet i feel you so near But the love in my heart can't stop the endless flowing tears Crying into the ocean of loneliness and despair Nothing but an empty feeling whenever you're not there Missing your voice wanting to feel the warmth of your touch Every moment i spent with you means so very much The minutes seem like days and the hours feeli like years Since we held each other close and ended all our tears When i had to leace you my heart vried out in pain Tears began to fall like never ending rain The love i feel inside for you i guess you'll never know I hope you see that since we met that love began to grow Praying so hard every night to hold you close again I beg of God to bring us together;return my special friend We've only started on this path not knowing what's in store But i hope you pray just like me; it's us forevermore.

My Bad

i wrote tis juz now and i tink i pressed sth wrong cos the whole thing went blank again... *argh!!!* irritatin.. anieways... i was saying... its real hard to maintain relationships online... really hard... i mean... there is a serious need of trust and everythin...

December 8 2003, i got to know 2 guys... Brett and Brian... i'd known brian quite some time back but on tat day, i really really got to noe him... i juz got to noe brett on da same day... these two guys... made deep impact on me actually... yeah..

i really wud like to meet tis people face to face..i want them to get to noe me beta... online... i feel tat i am a different person... offline..i tink i'm a better person... i want to drop all these false pretense...

wif brian... i really want to feel his touch and kisses.. i want to feel him... see him and talk to him... wif brett... i want to get to noe him beta... i want him to noe tat our frenship is important to me...

i tink online, i am totally totally different... i want to be the nura that everyone who have been wif me before noes. i dun enjoy cybering... i do it cos... i'm juz bored... and wif brett... its hard to chat wif him online... da atmosphere seems different... only in emails can i really 'talk' to him and be myself... wen he's online and i try to chat wif him.. i juz dunnoe wat to say to him.... da same goes for brian a lil bit...

tis coming december 8... i dunnoe if i'll be happy... brett doesnt seem to chat wif me much nowadays... and brian... he hasnt been online since November 9.. Life really seem so bleak sometimes... i guess i beta go now... i'll send in a lil sth done by David... i spent Christmas wif him last year... tis year... mayb i'll be spendin it alone... my family dun celebrate it... :( see ya peeps...

Me new template

Hey people!! I love my new template!! and yes!!! Christmas is coming soon!!! I hope all of u enjoy your hols!! I'll be bak to post more stuff!! see ya!!

This is mah baby!! I love him alot!! So yeah! *mUaCkS*